Location, Location, Location — Is “K Zone” Or “Shark Tank” White Sox Fans’ Hot Property?

Twitter/@baseballinfocus  Chris Sale during spring training: "You may have been hot sh&t at Wrigley, but I'll always have the the No. 1 fan section at the Cell, fool!"

Chris Sale during spring training: “You may have been hot sh&t at Wrigley Samardzija, but I’ll always have the the No. 1 fan section at the Cell, fool!”

Usually, “D and Davis Show” co-host Ken Davis breaks down the most controversial topics in the sports world in “Love It or Hate It.” Here he’s more or less messing around, but these things are of importance when you’re a devoted Sox fan as Ken is. — ed.

If I had to choose between buying real estate in Chris Sale’s “K Zone” or Jeff Samardzija’s “Shark Tank,” I’d begrudgingly have to buy land in Sale’s K Zone.

Let me start off with why I wouldn’t want to take up residence in Samardzija’s Shark Tank — market sustainability.

With Samardzija seeking big money at the end of the season I get the feeling his Shark Tank has a decent chance of being re-zoned or razed sooner than later. Dude is hitting the streets soon (by that I mean getting the hell out of Dodge a.k.a. U.S. Cellular Field.) Outside of the White Sox winning it all this season, is there really any reason for me to leave the coziness of Sale’s well-established K Zone, home to perhaps the second or third best lefty in the Majors behind Clayton Kershaw…umm, hell no!

On top of that, who the hell wants to be in a shark tank? Mind you, I’ve done some silly ish — like jumping out of a plane and growing up on the South Side of Chicago — and while the adventurer in me entertains the idea of really getting into a shark tank (safer than not being in one if a shark really is around…) the realist (or realest) in me says 1. It could be boring and 2. If anything goes wrong I’ll be the laughing stock of the entire city.

“Ay, what happened to ol’ boy Ken?

“What Ken? Wait, you mean the one that got his ass bitten off while down there fuckin’ with the sharks?”

“Yea, that Ken.”

“What you think, fool? His goofass got ate up fuckin’ with them sharks…”

See that’s a bad look when it comes to street cred.

On top of that, while being on any land, who the hell wants to be in anyone’s cage? I won’t even hit you with an “I’m black” reference when discussing this so called cage. I’ll hit you with I’m a damn human being and who the hell opts to go into a cage, outside of a batting cage. I mean, we aren’t talking about the great Prince’s cage as mentioned in his classic Diamonds and Pearls track “Insatiable.” I’ll pass.

As for the K Zone, even though its inspiration is more reliable the spot is not without its negatives. First off, “K Zone” sounds like someplace where Laser Tag and Robotech enthusiasts frolic. All ’80’s and neon, you know? Who does the marketing for this ish?

Yeah, I get it, Sale strikes the hell out of fools — still, couldn’t they have been more original. His name is Chris Sale, why don’t they use a pirate theme (ain’t nobody thinking of Pittsburgh, this AL business), or maybe work in Christopher Cross’s Sailing? F’ it, you could even work with the Avant version…ha!. The Pirate versus the Shark, see White Sox, I’m giving you this for free. I’m a good fan, aren’t I?

I’d be remiss, though, if I didn’t mention that I have a slight aversion to the entire “holding up the letter K” sign for strikeouts. Out of societal decency its noticeable that in these fan sections you are supposed to flip the third K. Appreciate it, but damn, still don’t like it.

Like, we all know pitching great (yes, regardless of the cream and the clear or his being a devoted jerk) Roger Clemens has a host of kids all with names that begin with a K — Koby, Kory, Kacy and Kody. Shouldn’t Kacy have a reverse K? I mean, if the Clemens family is really about that life? Just asking.

Actually, screw it all. If I’m really pressed, I’m riding with the boat show. Maybe I’ll make my own section next time I hit the Cell up. Keep sailing, Chris. Dueces.

Follow Ken on Twitter @ThatsDavis, “The D and Davis Show” on Twitter @DAndDavisShow and Regal Radio @regalradio1 and on Facebook under Regal Radio

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